Achmed Disco, the son of Jewish immigrants, was born in Dublin in 1901. He acquired his nickname, Prickly, at the age of 4, when he was sent home from the Heritage USA pre-school for having five o'clock shadow. He became a household name in the mid-seventies when he brought a five million dollar lawsuit against Nipsey Russell for plagiarism. Prickly contended that a poem Nipsey recited on Match Game '76, entitIed "Hemmorhoidal Tendencies" was actually based on some verse of his own entitled "Press this cluster and make me wine". He lost the case but was hired by Don King to write poetry for Mohammed All. This began Prickly's illustrious career in show business which culminated last year by becoming the seventh member of the Swirling Eddies. Camarillo was filming a PBS documentary in Nepal of the social habits of the Uruguayan fruit fly when he received a phone call from former band manager, Morty Allen,Jr. Morty excitedly reported that he had found another member for the band and that this one might even have some talent. Camarillo dropped everything and hired a small fishing boat to bring him to Hollywood, where he interviewed young Achmed for an opening in the Eddies lineup. Prickly leaped headlong into the audition by performing some minor surgery and reciting the entire Gettysburg Address during a single belch. Camarillo got pretty excited, but the Jackie Mason impersonation was the clincher. As everyone knows, Camarillo Eddy is a connoisseur of"Borsch Belt" schtick. Prickly was in and the rest is music history. 
 

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Greetings friends, the King here again fulfilling my obligation to write this dumb column or be exposed. Let me get one thing off my chest before I begin. Enough with the fat jokes. You people really know how to hurt a guy. I mean sure wait til I die and THEN start in with the donut jookes. Did any of you ever once take me aside while I was still alive and say "Hey, King, have a salad, big guy" Did anyone ever take the time to say "Isn't that your fourth dozen, your highness?" NO!! Wait til I keel over and then tell me I look like Moby Dick with sparkles! So, from here on out, no more fat jokes. I'm serious OK, let's get to my topic for this issue.
FOOD FOR SURVIVAL.
Now, I know what ynu're thinking, "How can a guy who is so incredibly fit stay in such fine shape in the outdoors? What does he eat?" I'll tell you.
ANYTHING! I'm starving, man! Are you kidding me? Have you ever been in the woods? Have you ever seen anything even resembling an eclair out here? NO! This place is dyin' for a Burger King, (no pun intended). I've tried roots, nuts, berries, I've even tried to trap small animals and birds, (Do you have any idea how many sparrows it takes to fill one of the Colonel's buckets?)
I need help out here people! I want alI of you loyal King fans to pay homage and bring me  SOMETHIN' A EAT!!! Take I-40 East from Memphis for eight miles, you'll pass a rest area with a Port-o-Let, (the throne),take the next dirt road on the right. Park and walk one mile due north til you come to a small glade with a hollow oak stump in the middle of it. Leave your packages in the stump, I'll take four Boston Cremes, Six jellys, two cruellers, nine glazed, five powdered, two qallons af chocolate milk....